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Feelings Associated with Enabling

By providing support to chemically dependent persons, we help them continue to drink alcohol or use drugs, and we assist them in increasing the severity of their addiction. Repeated enabling becomes come the 'normal' way we deal with the addict. As the disease of chemical dependency progresses, the problems and conflict that result from addiction in a family member or friend increase, and so does the discomfort we feel.

Enabling Is Self-Defeating

When we begin enabling, we often believe we are being helpful. When we find that our efforts are ineffective and the problems continue and become more pronounced, we feel frustrated, resentful, and angry. As the disease and our enabling progresses , our initial discomfort becomes intensified with feelings that can include anger, rage, hostility, sadness, and distrust. Sometimes we become totally numb rather than experience the pain, or we become overly active to avoid feeling. Our focus becomes more and more centered on supporting and protecting the chemically dependent individual and less centered less on our own needs. We often feel hopeless, defeated, and depressed. This cycle of problems feeding problems continues until we seek help.

Addressing Enabling

To regain a sense of themselves and to break the cycle in which they become trapped, enablers must learn to focus on their personal rights and needs. They must allow the addicted individual to feel the consequences of their own behavior. As enablers stop protecting the addict, they begins to feel the consequences of their addiction, and may become very angry. At first, this can be frightening, but as we learn that we are not responsible for the addict's problems, we feel strength and pride in ourselves. We may also feel sad to see the addict having to live with the consequences of their addiction.

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